But First, Do No Harm

James 1:19-20

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

 I hate Facebook right now.

"This is my opinion!" scream the people, all desperately wanting to be heard.

"You should agree with me!" shout the silent voices.

Oh, the words are all different. Some are even saying, "We can all have different opinions, it's okay!"

And yet they all want you to agree. They want someone to stand beside them.

My dear friends, please be careful.

We are so often quick to voice our opinion.

"It's our 'right'! We have the right to say what we think, right?!?"

But do we?

What has God called us to do?

John 15:9-13

“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 

Friends, please be careful when you voice your opinion.

You have influence on those around those around you.

People trust you.

I see it as a series of walls. Perhaps God has placed a person (or several people) that you can influence and share Him with. That direct favor is one of the most precious gifts I've ever known. 

An opinion spoken to the crowd builds walls in the middle of the direct path. How sad to cut off something so precious for a single sentence!

I encourage you to step away from the crowd. Find the person God's given you favor with. Use the bricks to build a path to their heart rather than building a wall.

In other words.

Use your opinions to engage, not shout.

Use your words to bring people together, not push them apart.

Use truth to show Christ, not yourself. 

God has given you favor in the lives of those who do not know him.

Do not shatter that trust because you have a right to speak.

Is speaking your mind worth alienating a friend who needs the love of Christ to be shown to them personally?

I'm not saying that it's wrong to speak your mind. By all means, stand up for what is right!

But first, do no harm.

A Quick Perspective on Truth

They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen. ~ Romans 1:25

We live in a culture where truth is relative. In fact, it seems that our culture bases truth upon the most popular opinion. Even something as small as a fashion trend is based upon a popular opinion portrayed as a truth.

~

Today, a bill was passed making gay marriage legal in all 50 states.

I wasn't going to comment on it.

I hate commenting about popular things.

It always starts trouble.

But I can't rest until I speak.

To some, today is a day of victory.

To others, today is a day of great defeat.

In my eyes, today is a day when our nation has placed a popular opinion as a "truth".

However, this does not change what truth is.

~

According to my beliefs, my God is truth.

According to my beliefs, my God is unchanging.

Therefore, according to my beliefs, truth is unchanging.

You may not agree with me.

~

In my eyes, today is another day where we live in a fallen world that has exchanged the truth of God for a lie.

In my eyes, today is another day where man says that they and they alone can rule their lives, apart from God.

Yes, today is a day where our government has instated an opinion as truth. Yes, it is big. 

Yes, we should mourn and pour out our hearts for redemption for this land.

But did we do that yesterday?

Will we do it tomorrow?

~

I have friends who will be encouraged by this bill. Another step closer towards having their views excepted in the mainstream. Another step between having the right to decide their own choices, and, in essence, their own morality.

I love them. They are my friends.

My heart hurts for them, and yearns for truth to shine upon them.

However, I am fixing my eyes on the truth that is Christ.

My creator is forever praised.

"I tell you," he replied, "if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out." - Luke 19:14

I cannot accept this opinion as truth. I will not accept this opinion as truth.

I will not worship a created thing rather than the creator.

~

I do not fear today.

I do not fear tomorrow.

I fear my God, with a holy reverence to his mighty power.

"Make vows to the Lord your God and fulfill them;

let all the neighboring lands

bring gifts to the One to be feared.

He breaks the spirit of rulers;

he is feared by the kings of the earth." - Psalm 76:11-12

~

Definitions

There are many things that define us.

There are many things that should not.

We place so much value in the definitions we were never meant to use...

... And forget the definition we have been given.

Last week, a few girls from my Bible study and I went out to the campus pond. I handed them rocks and those awesome oil sharpies that write on anything.

I asked them to write the lies they believe about themselves on the rocks.

The names they call themselves they would would never say out loud.

The words they would never admit they believed.

We sat.

We wrote.

We were silent.

We looked at our rocks.

We talked about the weight of our rocks.

We discussed the burden of carrying them with us.

We discussed how hard it is to grasp God's truth when we hold onto the lies.

Then I picked up a rock.

"This one is for all of us" I said.

I held up the small rock with purple letters written on it.

"The Past" it silently screamed.

I began to speak.

"The past does not define us." I stated as I threw it into the pond.

The atmosphere seemed to fill with hope. 

One by one, we shared the words we had written on the rocks.

One by one, we threw the rocks into the pond.

Despite us writing in silence, many of the same words had been written.

"Not enough"

"Alone"

"Awkward"

"Ugly"

"Last choice"

"Forgotten"

And on and on the lies went, each of us repeating the lies of the last.

On and on the lies were spoken and thrown into the pond.

And with each lie, encouragement and truth was spoken.

When all the rocks and the lies laid at the bottom of the pond, we pulled out Bibles and replaced the lies with truth.

Isaiah 43

Song of Solomon 6:3

Psalm 45:10-15

Isaiah 44:1-4, 21-23

Jeremiah 31:3-6

Psalm 139

Psalm 124

Psalm 98

Isaiah 42:5-9

We ended our time by taking small wooden crosses and writing the names Christ calls us on them.

Names like, "Beautiful. Loved. Forgiven. Saved."

I write all this not just to share a beautiful experience, but to make a point.

Girls (and guys),

We try to define our worth.

You must have and do to have worth.

You must be pretty.

You must be popular.

You must be perfect.

You must have the perfect social life.

You must have a perfect past.

You must have.

You must be.

You must.

You.

I do it too.

I look at Facebook and compare myself.

I look in the mirror and compare myself.

I look at my friends and compare myself.

I start defining myself.

I believe lies.

I start trying harder.

I try to be more.

I try to have more.

I try to make a definition of myself that I like.

It never works, though.

Does it?

So let's stop.

Let's stop believing false definitions of ourselves.

Let's stop calling ourselves by lies.

We are called to define ourselves by Christ.

He has done and He has been to give us worth.

A worth that is more than being pretty.

Or being popular.

Or perfect.

Or anything.

Christ is our worth.

It's not easy.

I'm pretty terrible at it.

We have worth.

Not in our doing, but in Christ's doing.

Not in our actions, but in our abiding.

Not in our outward situations, but in our inward surrender to Christ.

We have worth because we have Truth.

Can we keep each other accountable?

Can we talk about the lies?

Can we fight for each other?

Can we push each other closer to Christ?

Please?

The Pain of Saturday

Yesterday was Good Friday.

Tomorrow is Easter.

But today?

Today is just Saturday.

Out of all the Gospels, only one mentions that anything happened on Saturday.

Matthew 27:62-66 says that Pilate ordered a guard to guide the tomb.

But other then that?

Silence.

Do we try to imagine Saturday?

Do we imagine waking up as one as the disciples?

Do we consider the empty pain and despair?

Friday was agony and pain and loss.

Saturday was emptiness and anger and hopelessness.

~~~

He just sat there. He leaned on the wall and let it support his weight. He had no strength left. No hope left. No fight left. No caring left. 

Oh, why couldn't he just make it all disappear? Why couldn't he fall back into sleep and let the world fade for a few more hours.

Not that sleep was any better. His dreams filled with the Blood of the Rabbi. His ears filled with the jeering crowds, mocking the man he had followed so faithfully, and the cries of the women who gathered at Jesus's feet.

He slammed his fist against the wall with a cry. Why?!? Why had this happened!

Jesus had said that he was the Son of God, that he was the Messiah... that he was going to be the Savior of the World.

What now?

Doubts and fears plagued him. Lies swarmed around him. Darkness closed in.

It felt like hours had past, but the shadows had stayed still.

Alone he sat until the shadows moved across the floor. Alone he sat until the darkness started to fall. Alone he sat as the shadows disappeared and the stars peered through the window.

Perhaps tomorrow will be better.

Nighttime Musings

"The Lord said to Moses and Aaron, 'Say to the Israelites: ‘Of all the animals that live on land, these are the ones you may eat." - Leviticus 11:1-2

Despite my (often failing) attempts to keep a good attitude about my allergies, God's been teaching me a lot the last few weeks.

To be content.
To rely on him.
To focus on what's really important.

This morning, as I packed my food and water for the day... (sounds like I'm doing something like camping rather than going to class...), God brought something to mind:

"I've called my people to keep from foods before. I want what's best for my children."

I looked down at my bean "meat"balls, goat cheese, and pumpkin seed bar. I looked down at my super healthy meal with no extra added ingredients. No chemicals. No "citric acid" (which, fyi, is made from mold. And it's in all your food. All of it. You're welcome ;) ).

My mind danced around the Bible as I remembered the prophets of the old testament fasting and calling for the nation to return to God. I remembered Esther, who called for fasting as she responded in obedience.

I remembered the Levitical dietary laws. I remembered why I placed them.

My God is a good God. He wants what's best for his children.

My God placed the dietary laws of the OT to keep his chosen people safe.

My God didn't place laws to be cruel but to show love.

"Just trust me." 

"Jesus said to them, 'I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst.'" - John 6:35

I'm reminded as I go through this season without gluten that I have spiritual bread that will never cease to fail me. I never have to stand before a spiritual refrigerator, mumbling about how there's literally no food, for my Savior will never hesitate to fill me up. My spiritual life never starts crying because there's no safe water anywhere on campus, as my Savior will always care for me.

"So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." 1st Corinthians 10:31

I'm Not Okay With This

Dear everyone,

I have something to say.

Our culture is killing our children.

This weekend, I worked at a D-Now at a friend's church. I was assigned to the Blue Team (Deja Blue!!! We rocked!!!), and I had 9 8th grade girls at my host home. We had fun. We learned about the Gospel. Kids came to know Christ. It was amazing.

Over the weekend, I also had to refer two girls for further counseling to the main ministry staff.

Depression.

Self harm.

Suicide.

We're talking about 13 year old girls here. Beautiful 13 year old girls who desire to end their lives. Smart middle school kids who take a knife to their skin to get through the day. Children who have already seen so much hurt and pain and sorrow, and have no reason to keep going. 

I'm not okay with this.

Many of you know the story of how God rescued me from my own depression and self harm. The story of how it shaped my identity and changed me to the core. The story of how I would not change a day of my depression because I see how God can use my story to influence others.

I thank God for my struggles. I thank God for the anxiety and the tears and the long nights and morning that seemed to never come. I thank God for the fear and shame and pain and hurt.

That said, I'm not okay with the rising statistics.

According to statistics from 2011:

• 40% of kids attempting suicide made their first suicide attempt in elementary or middle school.
• 1 in 9 kids attempt suicide by the time they graduate high school.
• Suicide rates rise quickly at 6th grade, and peak about 2 years later.
• The average age of students who have attempted suicide multiple times made their first attempt around 3rd grade.

Take a second and read those statistics again. Let that sink in. Realize the implications of this.

Realize that those statistics are from 2011. It's 2015, people.

It's not hard to see that the statistics on the rise.

And that's just suicide.

Although self-harmers are at an increased risk for attempting/committing suicide, they are NOT the same thing. 

Self-harm is defined by an intentional injury to one's own body for with non-leathal intentions. Cutting, burning, snapping with a rubber band... the list is long and the options are many. Cutting is probably the most known, but is not the only option.

I'm not okay with this. And I want to make a difference.

Today, March 1st, is National Self Harm Awareness Day.

I'm asking you to join me in trying to make a difference.

Not by doing, but by being.

By showing love.

By caring.

By knowing.

By deciding that it's not okay.

Maybe you know someone who struggles with either of these very closely related issues.

Maybe you can make a difference.

- Emily -

When Life Gives You Lemons... Dayenu.

A few years ago, I was diagnosed with a corn allergy. So I started avoiding whole corn. Corn chips, popcorn, corn tortillas... I just stayed away from them. If I ate some, I would get a bit itchy. No big deal.

Except that I now react more sensitively. Avoiding visible corn is no longer enough. I now am avoiding all derivatives of corn in ingredients and packaging.

"Yeah, there's a lot of stuff with corn." You say.

No. There is not "a lot" of stuff with corn. Literally every processed food is corn. And if you think produce is safe, think again; it's processed too. So is coffee. I miss coffee. I also react to shampoo, conditioner, makeup, hand sanitizer, etc. because they have corn in it. I had an airborne reaction to crackers the other day. For goodness sake, I react to Dansani bottled water. How pitiful is that.

For awhile, I was reacting with dermatitis reactions; random patches of itchy bumps on my skin. But that's changing.

I spent my day first at the doctor, then at the ER. My face was swollen. First my eyes, then the swelling started moving down my face until my lips were puffy. I was honestly worried that I was having an anaphylactic reaction.

"Man," one guy said to me, "I mean, everyone is complaining that the struggle is real today... but you really have a reason to say it."

Two shots later, I'm home and feeling close to my normal self. I've got more doctors appointments set up and hopefully we'll be able to get to the root of the issue.

But that's not why I'm writing.

I'm writing because this isn't my plan. It's God's. As much as I feel like I complain about not being able to go get Starbucks ( :'( ) or grab fast food, I trust my Savior.

God brought to mind the word Dayenu today. "It would have been enough." The word is a part of the Passover Sader, where a song of praise is sung to God.

"You alone would have been enough, and yet you went beyond that." It says. "I would have been content with you, and yet you blessed me in abundance." (Paraphrased)

I'm counting my blessings tonight.

I'm praising God that it was not anaphylactic.
I'm praising God that I'm alive and feeling better.
I'm praising God that I had access to medical treatment.
I'm praising God for doctors who took my corn allergy seriously and actually read labels on medications before giving them to me.
I'm praising God that I have professors who tell me to skip class to go to the ER.
I'm praising God for family that cares for me.
I'm praising God for friends who pray for me.
I'm praising God for my community of believers who purposed to check on me and show me they cared in so many many ways and made me feel so loved.
I'm praising God for random music building friends who text me to let me know that they care.

And yet, if God had chose for me not to receive those blessings, Dayenu.

He is God. He is everything. He already demonstrated the depth of his love to me by saving me from certain eternal death. 

I praise him for blessing me today. But my praise is not conditional on his blessing. How can it be? He has forgiven a debt I could never pay; why would I be upset that he didn't do more?

So next time life gives you lemons, forget lemonade. Dayenu. God is enough.


Romans 14:7-9 For none of us lives for ourselves alone, and none of us dies for ourselves alone. If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living.

Esther 4:14

"For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" (Esther 4:14)

This morning, I sat down with my homemade vanilla latte and my Bible, not sure what I was going to read. My Bible fell open to this verse (Normally it falls open in Isaiah, I might add), and the words pierced me.

If you decide to stay silent, then someone else will speak truth. But you were placed where you are for a reason.

Or, as my heart heard,

If you don't do what I (God) have put you in your position to do, I'll just find someone else who will.

Ouch.

It got me thinking about where I am placed. The situations I have opportunities to speak into. They're multiplying this semester. People that I have not searched out that have come to me and opened the door for me to speak. People with hard questions, in hard situations, with hard answers.

It's just hard.

Who am I to speak up? I'm only a child. I don't have the answers. I don't know how to reach into these situations and bring hope? Why even choose me?

But the Lord said to me, "Do not say, 'I am only a child.' You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I commands you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you." declares the Lord. Then the Lord reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, "Now, I have put my words in your mouth." (Jeremiah 1:7-9)

This verse gives me so much courage. It reminds me that it is not me speaking into the lives of those who open doors for me, but that it is the Spirit speaking through me.

I am only his candle. Have your way in me.

Questions asked: Free will vs Sovereignty

"I get frustrated with the whole freewill vs sovereignty thing and stuff. I want to believe it, it seems to be true, but I don't fully believe it."

Way to get deep, my friend. Love deep questions. Deep questions make me happy.

In short, there is no short. There are whole books about this. Here's my attempt at short. Yay questions!

~

Merriam Webster defines "Free will" as "voluntary; spontaneous".

In Genesis 3, we see this concept clearly illustrated as Eve voluntarily decides to disobey. She had free will, and she used it to sin. Throughout the Bible, we see that man has a choice to obey or disobey God.

Merriam Webster defines "Sovereignty" as "having absolute power over"

1 Chronicles 29:11-12 says, "Yours, O Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the victory and the majesty, for all that is in the heavens and in the earth is yours. Yours is the kingdom, O Lord, and you are exalted as head above all. Both riches and honor come from you, and you rule over all. In your hand are power and might, and in your hand it is to make great and to give strength to all."

As A.W. Tozer wrote so eloquently, "Even to discuss the authority of Almighty God seems a bit meaningless, and to question it would be absurd. Can we imagine the Lord God of Hosts having to request permission of anyone or to apply for anything to a higher body? To whom would God go for permission? Who is higher than the Highest? Who is mightier than the Almighty? Whose position antedates that of the Eternal? At whose throne would God kneel? Where is the greater one to whom He must appeal?" Tozer, A.W. (2012-08-12). The Knowledge of the Holy (p. 109). Fig. Kindle Edition.

The question asked is, in it's simplicity, "How does man's free will and God's sovereignty coexist?"

A.W. Tozer also asked this question: "Another real problem created by the doctrine of the divine sovereignty has to do with the will of man. If God rules His universe by His sovereign decrees, how is it possible for man to exercise free choice? And if he can not exercise freedom of choice, how can he be held responsible for his conduct? Is he not a mere puppet whose actions are determined by a behind-the-scenes God who pulls the strings as it pleases Him?"  Tozer, A.W. (2012-08-12). The Knowledge of the Holy (p. 110). Fig. Kindle Edition.

He continues to explain that there has become two camps of thought on this issue, based on the works of theologians Jacobus Arminius and John Calvin. This is often called the Calvinist–Arminian debate.

Calvinist states that, "God appointed the eternal destiny of some to salvation by grace, while leaving the remainder to receive eternal damnation for all their sins, even their original sin. The former is called "unconditional election", and the latter "reprobation". In Calvinism, people are predestined and effectually called in due time (regenerated/born again) to faith by God." Quote from Wikipedia

On the contrary, "Arminius taught that Calvinist predestination and unconditional election made God the author of evil. Instead, Arminius insisted, God's election was an election of believers and therefore was conditioned on faith. Furthermore, Arminius argued, God's exhaustive foreknowledge did not require a doctrine of determinism." Quote from Wikipedia

With the knowledge that this has been a debate since the early 17th century, we can see that this is no easy question to answer. The Bible is not explicitly clear on which view is "correct".

That being said, I identify closer to the Arminian view. However, as a creature bound by time, I don't know that man can truly gasp either side of this discussion fully. How an an un-sovereign man understand a sovereign God? How can we begin to grasp how much free will we have without being able to see what we don't have control over?

To quote Doctor Who, "People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but *actually* from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint - it's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly... time-y wimey... stuff." So in your considerations, remember that our God is the God of time; he created time and is therefore unbound by time.

As much as I don't know, I do know this: God is infinitely good. God is infinitely more good than I could ever be or ever understand. And so, even though I don't understand completely, I do understand that whichever situation is correct, I know that it's good.

~

So, my friend. It's a very basic explanation that basically just said, "I don't think anyone truly knows." But I hope it lets you see that there's two views. Perhaps that makes the issue more confusing, perhaps it adds a dimension to your thoughts.

I recommend you read "Knowledge of the Holy" by A.W. Tozer. He writes about the qualities of God and I think will answer a lot of your questions. I will see you soon, friend, and we'll talk more then.